Wednesday, August 24, 2016
Just because I am and was hurt doesn't mean that I don't understand how he was confused and hurt too. I do have some empathy in this whole process. I maybe didn't allow enough time, or maybe overthought somethings, but I do understand. When there was a misunderstanding, I tried to ask questions to fix it. Sometimes that worked, and sometimes he became annoyed at me. I try to resolve things. I think the problem is that we all view things through the lens of our past. Everything is filtered through our past triumphs, mistakes, pains etc. That doesn't mean that we have a full understanding of what is going on. We try, but we don't have a full understanding. My understanding of him was through the lens that I have and visa versa. We only understood as much as we had background understanding to help us "get it." We probably could infer some more information...but there were some critical things we did not understand about each others emotions or background. I don't know what it is like to have been married in my 20s and married for 15 years. I don't know what it is like to have kids. I don't know what it is like to have a parent die. I don't know lots of things, but I can try to have empathy and I think I did on some level...maybe not enough. He also doesn't know what it is like to have someone break up with you 3 weeks before your wedding date, or to be perpetually single, or so desperately want to have children but know that your biological clock is ticking and that may never happen, or to be a single woman in a church where there are more faithful women than men and know that there is a chance that you may be single the rest of your life. We don't always understand what causes others fears or uncertainties or any other emotion completely, but we should try. We need to also be open enough with our emotions and thoughts so that someone we are will can start to understand how we feel. When we are with others we need to try to have a paradigm shift so that we can see through their lens. It is hard, but I do think it is essential in any kind of relationship.