Saturday, June 28, 2014


I had a true blind date last night.  It was a slow start, but that is fine.  It isn't like I haven't been there before or maybe will be there again.  After eating and playing games we just talked and it was probably the best conversation I have had with a man who isn't related with in years and probably in l
ast a decade.  This includes the ex fiancĂ©. We shared personal things not just surface stuff like what kinds of things do you do...though that was there too.  I don't know how to describe it exactly.  I felt like I could be open and I feel like he felt the same thing.  I was more myself with him than I usually am--even sometimes with friends.  I often try to hide or partially hide my true self.  Yes sometimes people get part of it and can infer much but I actually said the words with him. I was open with everything. Regardless of any future dates(which I have my doubts) I have a sense of longing.  I feel like there is something missing that I never knew was lost.  I never knew how much I needed a conversation like that.  Though we had different opinions about recent events and what will or may happen we listened and tried to understand each other's perspective.  I want that with people.  I want that with a husband.  I long for a relationship that provides for conversations like that.  It was freeing and game me urgency to work harder to be better for myself.  So thank you my bearded date.  We may or may not see each other again, but I have learned much from you about myself.