I don't know where I am heading and I am pretty much fed up with meaningless chatter on online dating sites. It is slowly killing me!! Yes, I have been on dates and yes it was ok, but I don't want to go on an endless stream of first dates. Should I continue with this trying to be proactive business? Should I try to reconnect with the past? I don't know. What is it that is best for me. Nothing is perfect, NOTHING. Can I live with somethings? Yes, I can...but should I have to?
On the not so fun front a guy from church, whose wife died about a year ago, was hitting on me. He is socially awkward and not someone I would ever be interested in. He called me up last night to ask me a question about church. I responded in a text because I didn't want to talk to him. He asked me a follow up question. I responded. He then asked if he could call or text sometime...guess what I said? I said that he should only if it was about church. I have literally no interest in him. Like I have heard before every pot has a lid. He found the lid to his pot with his wife. I am so very sorry his wife died. They fit together. I know he is lonely. I often can be lonely too. Lonely doesn't mean you should be together. Loving someone also doesn't mean it is a good fit.
What do I want? I want a healthy and happy relationship. That doesn't mean I think it will be easy, or with out work. I do think that there will be fights, disagreements and hurt feelings, but overall I want to be happy. I want to be with someone. I don't want to be alone. How can I achieve this goal? I don't know. Going on first dates from online doesn't seem to be producing the outcome I want. That doesn't mean that it won't...eventually. Do I have that patience? I don't know. Do I have the patience to let someone figure out if he wants to date me or not. I don't know? I just don't know.
Sunday, October 2, 2016
I am definitely not a perfect person...not by any means. I try to be good, but sometimes lack self control. I make poor decisions with my agency. I sometimes continually make the same mistakes...It's difficult. I have a propensity for certain kinds of sin, some bigger, some smaller. I have a renewed desire to be better. I need to put off the natural man, turn my life towards Christ and find JOY in Him. I can be better. It will take some time. It won't happen in the next minute, but I can better. I need not worry about the past except that I can give up my sins and come unto Christ. I can be better, a lot better. For those around me...please help me in this quest. I need your help. I know I can also get help from God. He gives help to those who ask and have FAITH he will provide. He can and will help me to be better. Conference can help you remember these things. Overall, I thought this was a conference of hope. I don't always think this. Sometimes I feel like it is more of hellfire and damnation. I am glad to feel the hope of forgiveness and hope.