I don't know where I am heading and I am pretty much fed up with meaningless chatter on online dating sites. It is slowly killing me!! Yes, I have been on dates and yes it was ok, but I don't want to go on an endless stream of first dates. Should I continue with this trying to be proactive business? Should I try to reconnect with the past? I don't know. What is it that is best for me. Nothing is perfect, NOTHING. Can I live with somethings? Yes, I can...but should I have to?
On the not so fun front a guy from church, whose wife died about a year ago, was hitting on me. He is socially awkward and not someone I would ever be interested in. He called me up last night to ask me a question about church. I responded in a text because I didn't want to talk to him. He asked me a follow up question. I responded. He then asked if he could call or text sometime...guess what I said? I said that he should only if it was about church. I have literally no interest in him. Like I have heard before every pot has a lid. He found the lid to his pot with his wife. I am so very sorry his wife died. They fit together. I know he is lonely. I often can be lonely too. Lonely doesn't mean you should be together. Loving someone also doesn't mean it is a good fit.
What do I want? I want a healthy and happy relationship. That doesn't mean I think it will be easy, or with out work. I do think that there will be fights, disagreements and hurt feelings, but overall I want to be happy. I want to be with someone. I don't want to be alone. How can I achieve this goal? I don't know. Going on first dates from online doesn't seem to be producing the outcome I want. That doesn't mean that it won't...eventually. Do I have that patience? I don't know. Do I have the patience to let someone figure out if he wants to date me or not. I don't know? I just don't know.