Confused As Ever...

I don't know where I am heading and I am pretty much fed up with meaningless chatter on online dating sites.  It is slowly killing me!! Yes, I have been on dates and yes it was ok, but I don't want to go on an endless stream of first dates.  Should I continue with this trying to be proactive business?  Should I try to reconnect with the past?  I don't know.  What is it that is best for me.  Nothing is perfect, NOTHING.  Can I live with somethings? Yes, I can...but should I have to?

On the not so fun front a guy from church, whose wife died about a year ago, was hitting on me.  He is socially awkward and not someone I would ever be interested in.  He called me up last night to ask me a question about church.  I responded in a text because I didn't want to talk to him.  He asked me a follow up question.  I responded.  He then asked if he could call or text sometime...guess what I said?  I said that he should only if it was about church.  I have literally no interest in him.  Like I have heard before every pot has a lid.  He found the lid to his pot with his wife.  I am so very sorry his wife died.  They fit together.  I know he is lonely.  I often can be lonely too.  Lonely doesn't mean you should be together.  Loving someone also doesn't mean it is a good fit.

What do I want?  I want a healthy and happy relationship.  That doesn't mean I think it will be easy, or with out work.  I do think that there will be fights, disagreements and hurt feelings, but overall I want to be happy.  I want to be with someone.  I don't want to be alone.  How can I achieve this goal?  I don't know.  Going on first dates from online doesn't seem to be producing the outcome I want.  That doesn't mean that it won't...eventually.  Do I have that patience?  I don't know.  Do I have the patience to let someone figure out if he wants to date me or not.  I don't know?  I just don't know.