Monday, May 6, 2013
So I just found out I was the "Other woman." How does that work you ask? Well I will tell you. I have been on a two dates with the same guy. I had fun. I had hope for something more. We even kissed. I know that that doesn't mean we were in a relationship. We weren't. So how does this make me the other woman? Well apparently he was dating another woman for some time. They dated off and on. It was not super serious from what I gather because she lived out of the state. He did like her however and even had a former Facebook profile pic where he claimed they were friends in the comments. In the meantime we were set up and had a pretty decent first date. He asked me on a second date...a few weeks later. It was good. We ate dinner, watched a movie and made out. I tried to go with the flow and let him take the lead. We texted or FB messaged a few times back and forth, but always with some time in between. He even contacted me within the last week. Last night I found out he was dating this other girl and has been for a while. Honestly, I am not upset at him but at the situation. Who wants a romcom experience where you are a negative supporting role? I wasn't that into him really because all I got was a text every once in a while. That is lame. I was pretty much over him anyway because I didn't think he was that into me with the lack of contact. But I hate that he turned me into the other woman. He was just keeping me on the back burner in case his main dish didn't quite turn out. I don't like being there. Now how did I learn this--well a person I work with is a sibling of the girl this guy is now dating. It showed up on Facebook and now I know. And because of the situation I asked my coworker if his sister was dating someone. Yes, I did that! We have had conversations in the past about her because she is in my same boat...you know the one where you are over 30 and single boat. I know she was upset he was dating other girls. My coworker said so. I would be too. She was just hoping for the best, as we all do. I hope for the best for her and for her future. She after all is a girl after my own heart...she is over 30 and single.
Sunday, May 5, 2013
Yes, I am single, and yes I see the benefits of it as we'll as the negatives. What I would really like to know is if I am meant to be single my whole life or if at some unknown date I will find the guy I am supposed to marry. Some friends I have say they would rather not know so that they can still have hope that the miracle of marriage will still happen at some undisclosed time. I want to know. Yes right now I am holding out hope. I occasionally go on dates. If they are good or have any potential at all my hope grows a little. I am not saying I am psycho, because I am not. But if it is a good date and he is a good guy--- then I hope a little more. I don't think after one date I will marry that man or anything. I just hope because I am ready to close this chapter in my life. If I am supposed to be single my whole life--- it would be liberating to know. I could move on from dating. I could go on vacations, I can make new friends. I could work abroad. I could serve people and be the best dog on aunt in the whole world. I feel like hoping, waiting, and doing my best to get married sometimes holds me back of things I think I would enjoy like working overseas. I haven't done it because I hope to get married and I know chances are even slimmer if I were to move abroad. I want to know. That is not how The Lord works. I need to have faith in envy footstep. I need to think of the lyrics of "Lead Kindly Light" where one step [should be] enough for me. Or think of Nephi were he was led by the spirit not knowing beforehand the things he should do. That's hard. I don't always recognize the spirit, so I feel like I am making decisions alone. Being alone is what being single is all about.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
I saw a friend last night I haven't seen in years. It is amazing to me that I could go back and we had conversations we had in high school or college. I will be honest however. Because we are in totally different places in our lives, I didn't think it would be this way. It is refreshing to know that there are friends that can last a long time. There have been so many friends I have had in my life that were only in my life for a time. Perhaps for some it was before they got married, and others while they were in classes, or a ward or at work were my friends but have since move on, but really haven't I as well. I have moved on to other friends and to other experiences. I am glad to know that even though we have moved onto new experiences, we are still friends. THAT IS A GOOD FEELING.