My life as the "OTHER WOMAN"

So I just found out I was the "Other woman." How does that work you ask?  Well I will tell you.  I have been on a two dates with the same guy.  I had fun.  I had hope for something more.  We even kissed. I know that that doesn't mean we were in a relationship.  We weren't. So how does this make me the other woman? Well apparently he was dating another woman for some time.  They dated off and on.  It was not super serious from what I gather because she lived out of the state. He did like her however and even had a former Facebook profile pic where he claimed they were friends in the comments. In the meantime we were set up and had a pretty decent first date.  He asked me on a second date...a few weeks later.  It was good. We ate dinner, watched a movie and made out. I tried to go with the flow and let him take the lead.  We texted or FB messaged a few times back and forth, but always with some time in between.  He even contacted me within the last week. Last night I found out he was dating this other girl and has been for a while.  Honestly, I am not upset at him but at the situation.  Who wants a romcom experience where you are a negative supporting role? I wasn't that into him really because all I got was a text every once in a while. That is lame.  I was pretty much over him anyway because I didn't think he was that into me with the lack of contact. But I hate that he turned me into the other woman. He was just keeping me on the back burner in case his main dish didn't quite turn out.  I don't like being there.  Now how did I learn this--well a person I work with is a sibling of the girl this guy is now dating.  It showed up on Facebook and now I know.  And because of the situation I asked my coworker if his sister was dating someone.  Yes, I did that! We have had conversations in the past about her because she is in my same boat...you know the one where you are over 30 and single boat. I know she was upset he was dating other girls. My coworker said so. I would be too.  She was just hoping for the best, as we all do. I hope for the best for her and for her future.  She after all is a girl after my own heart...she is over 30 and single. 

Perpetual Singlehood

Yes, I am single, and yes I see the benefits of it as we'll as the negatives.  What I would really like to know is if I am meant to be single my whole life or if at some unknown date I will find the guy I am supposed to marry.  Some friends I have say they would rather not know so that they can still have hope that the miracle of marriage will still happen at some undisclosed time.  I want to know.  Yes right now I am holding out hope.  I occasionally go on dates.  If they are good or have any potential at all my hope grows a little.  I am not saying I am psycho, because I am not.  But if it is a good date and he is a good guy--- then I hope a little more.  I don't think after one date I will marry that man or anything. I just hope because I am ready to close this chapter in my life. If I am supposed to be single my whole life--- it would be liberating to know.  I could move on from dating.  I could go on vacations, I can make new friends. I could work abroad.  I could serve people and be the best dog on aunt in the whole world.  I feel like hoping, waiting, and doing my best to get married sometimes holds me back of things I think I would enjoy like working overseas.  I haven't done it because I hope to get married and I know chances are even slimmer if I were to move abroad.  I want to know.  That is not how The Lord works.  I need to have faith in envy footstep.  I need to think of the lyrics of "Lead Kindly Light" where one step [should be] enough for me. Or think of Nephi were he was led by the spirit not knowing beforehand the things he should do.  That's hard.  I don't always recognize the spirit, so I feel like I am making decisions alone.  Being alone is what being single is all about.

friends from a former life

I saw a friend last night I haven't seen in years.  It is amazing to me that I could go back and we had conversations we had in high school or college.  I will be honest however.  Because we are in totally different places in our lives, I didn't think it would be this way.  It is refreshing to know that there are friends that can last a long time.  There have been so many friends I have had in my life that were only in my life for a time.  Perhaps for some it was before they got married, and others while they were in classes, or a ward or at work were my friends but have since move on, but really haven't I as well.  I have moved on to other friends and to other experiences.  I am glad to know that even though we have moved onto new experiences, we are still friends.  THAT IS A GOOD FEELING.

Boston

Boston is such a beautiful city with amazing history.  There has been tragedy and success in the past such as the Boston Massacre and the Boston Tea Party.  Sadly today a tragedy has happened.  At the finish line of the Boston Marathon there were explosions. I know people who were there just a few blocks away.  It's frightening and scary.  When I was listening to NPR, one reporter said he was not allowed on a sky walk because of an abandoned package.  This reminds me of my life, half a lifetime ago, when I lived in Israel.  Streets were closed because of possible bombs.  One time at the Jerusalem Center, some tourists were concerned because some BYU student left his backpack in the hallway for a significant period of time. We assured the tourists that there was nothing to worry about, he just wasn't thinking.  Ultimately I am thankful that the people I know are safe, and that generally we don't live in a place where this happens.  Yes I know it has happened multiple times in the United States such as The World Trade Center Bombings, Oklahoma City, Atlanta Olympics or even in Salt Lake with the Salamander Letter Scandal with Mark Hoffman.  We live in a world where there are possibilities like this. There are scary things that can happen.  Hurt happens.  What we need to remember is that we can be healed through Jesus Christ.  Our hurt, our sorrow, our fears and pain can be overcome through the atonement. Life may be hard, but it will be okay.

Things I dislike...

I dislike pregnancy pictures that look like engagement photos.
I especially dislike it when they make a heart with their hands on the pregnant tummy.
I dislike naked baby newborn photos.  I don't want to see your baby's nakedness unless I am changing their diaper. 
I dislike when people say expecially--it is especially---no x is involved.
I dislike it when my shoulder hurts.
I dislike it when people tell me what I want, when they don't really know.
I dislike it when people are condescending to me.
I especially dislike it when I just let them be because I don't know how to respond.
I dislike it when people act like they are in high school and are clicky when they are adults.
I dislike when I don't feel like I can act like myself around people.
I dislike when I over think things.
I dislike when people take to long to respond to an email, text, phone call etc.
I dislike when I realize I have wasted the day away.
I dislike when you have a bruise and you don't know where it came from.
I dislike when I try to make everyone I am with happy and I feel like it was all for not because they don't care or are unappreciative.
I dislike when you choose a TV boyfriend(you know, your favorite characters) and they disappoint you.
I dislike when they kill off characters you like in stories--TV or books.
I dislike when I cry over a commercial, or a TV show.
I dislike when I let other's peoples choices hurt me.
I dislike how I always crave sugar.
I dislike how some clothes are always uncomfortable.
...

Wadi

I have made a real effort to go with the flow over the last few months.  I say this because I often get discouraged, or I get anxious and I struggle with things I cannot control. Going with the flow for me is about just letting things happen as they do and to try to have a good attitude.  I don't have to know the outcome of everything.  I can let others lead and I can follow. I don't have to follow everything.  I can make choices that will work with the group of people I am with and myself.  It is about trying to listen to the spirit, and following it.

This scripture helps me.  1 Nephi 4:6
And I was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do.

With that being said.  It is easy to go with the flow when you are in a river, or a steam, but it is really hard when you live in a wadi. What is a wadi you ask? A wadi is a dry river bed.  It only sometimes has a flow with heavy rain.  I happen to live in a wadi with certain issues in my life.  I would love to understand how to go with the flow, but most of the time there is no flow. Sometimes there is a flow, but rarely. I will continue to try to go with the flow even if it is hard.

Death by Evaporation

Have you ever heard of such a thing?  I assure you it's a real thing.  Once upon a time when my brother was in high school he had some molly fish.  You know, if you ever have had mollys, that if you have boy and girl mollys they reproduce like guppies. He was very excited at first.  He got the tank all spruced up for them and he was taking care of them and had a special little net for all of the babies. There were many little babies. Eventually he got busy and let the tank run itself.  He even put it in the other room.  It was ok, the fish took care of themselves.  They ate whatever they could find in the tank.  My brother ended up forgetting about them and the water evaporated slowly but surely.  They died of evaporation.

What is my point?  This is like how guys in their 30s deal with women now.  They first respond well to them, but eventually stop contacting them.  They seem excited at first but eventually get busy with other things and just stop contacting.  Other things could be work, other women whatever it doesn't matter. They are letting any potential relationship die by evaporation.  They just forget about it and let it take care of itself by not contacting the other person. It dies of evaporation.