I have thought a lot about my place in the church lately. Ultimately I have decided that it is ok for me to be who I am and still a believer. It is ok to look at things critically and still believe. Not everything has to be literal and I don't know the whole truth yet. The church has made mistakes in the past but am I a better person because of the church---YES! I listened to part of Radio West today on NPR. I only caught the tail end but the guest talked about the recent essay from the church regarding the book of Abraham. The part that I heard that I really liked is an example from the Jewish Faith. We can look at things critically and still be believers. We can have many interpretations and still believe. We can still be one church but have different views. It was exactly what I needed to hear. I have been quite open with my beliefs about Kate Kelly and her excommunication on facebook. Many people disagree with me including many of my friends. I don't think they really understand where I am coming from. I do not necessarily believe that everything Kate Kelly did was wrong, but not everything she did was right. There is inequality in the church. It is ok to ask questions and have open discussions about things. I don't want to be a cookie cutter Mormon. I don't want to be a blind follower. It is also not ok to put other people down. I feel like there has been way too much of that going on on facebook against everyone. People are either coming across as apostate or self righteous to the people on the opposing view point. What I have repeated in my posts is that this is something that we can use to help us become more loving and a stronger people together yet people have been mean.
What are the unintended consequences? I don't know but just because you didn't mean to do something doesn't mean there aren't consequences or that you are not responsible for them. At school sometimes kids trip each other on accident. Some of these kids refuse to apologize because it was an accident. Just because it wasn't on purpose doesn't mean that it didn't hurt. These events do hurt. We do have inequality in the church that does need to be fixed. I don't even mean that women should receive the priesthood because that is irrelevant to me. I mean things like how women and men are treated and budgeting and callings etc.
Now since most of my posts tie back to my dating or pseudo dating life here is the connection. I recently posted about my blind date where I really appreciated my conversation with him. I had a friend ask me about the date today. I shrugged it off because I knew he wouldn't call me and that is ok. I told her briefly that we had a great conversation and that I was very open about things and she jumped to were you scared by his political beliefs? The answer is no--because most people don't. I think far right or far left on the political spectrum would be the only places that would scare me. I do believe that Moderate is the best place to be. In the world that is where I lie. In Mormon culture in the United States and especially in Utah that makes me a liberal. I did say that I do think he maybe was scared by what I did say. If he truly was--that is a shame. Ultimately all the points I was trying to make were for equality and love of each other. Honestly that question stung. As I age I honestly have become more and more concerned about getting married(I know that is blatantly obvious on my blog). This is not only because of my age and lacking opportunities to meet men, it is also because i fear I am too liberal for a Mormon boy. I don't want a cookie cutter Mormon and he wouldn't want me. I am a believer but I ask questions. I am not going to be a door mat for a man. I will not be less than him--but I don't want to be above him either. Is there a man out there that shares similar beliefs? I know many men I met in college were very much the guy that wanted their wife to be less than him because he held the priesthood. I refuse to be that way. What are the unintended consequences in my own life? How will this affect me?