Sunday, May 5, 2013
Yes, I am single, and yes I see the benefits of it as we'll as the negatives. What I would really like to know is if I am meant to be single my whole life or if at some unknown date I will find the guy I am supposed to marry. Some friends I have say they would rather not know so that they can still have hope that the miracle of marriage will still happen at some undisclosed time. I want to know. Yes right now I am holding out hope. I occasionally go on dates. If they are good or have any potential at all my hope grows a little. I am not saying I am psycho, because I am not. But if it is a good date and he is a good guy--- then I hope a little more. I don't think after one date I will marry that man or anything. I just hope because I am ready to close this chapter in my life. If I am supposed to be single my whole life--- it would be liberating to know. I could move on from dating. I could go on vacations, I can make new friends. I could work abroad. I could serve people and be the best dog on aunt in the whole world. I feel like hoping, waiting, and doing my best to get married sometimes holds me back of things I think I would enjoy like working overseas. I haven't done it because I hope to get married and I know chances are even slimmer if I were to move abroad. I want to know. That is not how The Lord works. I need to have faith in envy footstep. I need to think of the lyrics of "Lead Kindly Light" where one step [should be] enough for me. Or think of Nephi were he was led by the spirit not knowing beforehand the things he should do. That's hard. I don't always recognize the spirit, so I feel like I am making decisions alone. Being alone is what being single is all about.