Moving on

So I am really attempting to move on...but I find myself still thinking about what could have been.  Really the only issues we had were communicating in a way that didn't cause anxiety for either party.  No hurt was intentional on either end.  When you are with someone, you need to try to understand how they process things and view the world.  That helps when you are communicating.  No, that doesn't mean you will be perfect at it, or should be, but it can help.  It helps us give each other the benefit of the doubt.  It helps us make an effort to word things in a way that helps the other person.  We want to leave people better, not worse.  Both of us had a hard time looking beyond our own perspective.

So in my attempts to move on, I have reactivated my online account on okcupid and started bumble.  NO I don't love either, but its a start right?  I have a date with a British gentleman today.  He seems nice and we talked on the phone for about 2 hours, so that is promising right?  However, he seems to be going 90mph when I want to go maybe 50.  In my last relationship, he wanted to go 25.  Speeds can help or hinder the relationship.  Perhaps just my conversation with this British man has helped me to realize that maybe I was pushing too much without realizing it and making him uncomfortable in my last relationship.  All I know is I did my best!

As for first dates...that is all I am expecting...just a first date.  This will help me move on regardless of if we go on more dates.  I also liked the flirting and attention.  I think I needed that on some level.  Remember how I feel a little unwanted and unlovable?  Ya...well this helped a little and I also know change comes from within, not without.


***Update...I texted this fellow and said something about I am excited for our date, however I am not ready for things to go too fast.  I only said that because of our conversation last night.  He talked already about a second date and a possibility of a relationship and wanting to kiss me.  It a little bit freaked me out.  So now he said he was going to postpone maybe forever the possibility of a date.  Oh well... It isn't that big of deal.