General Conference

I am definitely not a perfect person...not by any means.  I try to be good, but sometimes lack self control.  I make poor decisions with my agency.  I sometimes continually make the same mistakes...It's difficult.  I have a propensity for certain kinds of sin, some bigger, some smaller.  I have a renewed desire to be better.  I need to put off the natural man, turn my life towards Christ and find JOY in Him.  I can be better.  It will take some time.  It won't happen in the next minute, but I can better.  I need not worry about the past except that I can give up my sins and come unto Christ. I can be better, a lot better.  For those around me...please help me in this quest.  I need your help.  I know I can also get help from God.  He gives help to those who ask and have FAITH he will provide.  He can and will help me to be better.  Conference can help you remember these things. Overall, I thought this was a conference of hope.  I don't always think this.  Sometimes I feel like it is more of hellfire and damnation. I am glad to feel the hope of forgiveness and hope.

Resolved...or not Resolved that is the Question...

I thought I was resolved about my thoughts....I don't know if I am.

My feelings haven't really changed, but is it really feasible? How can I be certain about what to do? What things do I need to do?

I am however resolved to be stronger than I am today.  I am determined to be a better teacher and work hard to accomplish that.

I am not going to give up on my dating life.  I am going to keep trucking through all the muck to find someone wonderful!

**Good news I talked to a nice guy yesterday.  I am hoping for good things.  Even if it is a good conversation...I am excited to talk to this guy again.  I enjoyed our first conversation and hope to have another.

**Not so good news, I have had several jerky men who just want physical stuff.  At least the one today asked to make out.  I guess that is better than asking if I am kinky or how Mormon am I?

Longing...

I am longing to talk to him.  Yes that is the word, longing.  I am frustrated that that isn't an option for me right now.  I am also frustrated that there is no good options on my other end of dating.  Dating apps and sites are lame.  There are no good options.  I have chatted a little bit with a few different men, but nothing I care about.  So here I am longing...

non jerk

Yes I am aware that I may be making some poor choices and have made some poor choices in my life.  I will say it really bothers me that certain people in my life are referring to the man I dated as a jerk.  He isn't a jerk. Granted he is not ready...but that doesn't mean he is a jerk.  I actually think he is a kind man who isn't ready for a relationship...maybe never will be.  If the opportunity presented itself, I would date him again just to see.  Our issues were communication.  That is something you can fix.  You can't fix a respect issue.  He was hurt still and had some bad habits from his former marriage.  I have issues too from being perpetually single.  I am not saying it will work out.  It more than likely will not.  I also will say that online dating is kind of the worst.  All these guys are just at best bleh, or at worst pretty yucky.  I am not really interested in any of them.  Is this what my life is going to be like--endless swipes left or right to find nothing special at the end of the rainbow.  No thank you! Overall I hate when people refer to him as a jerk. It isn't ok.  Maybe situations were not great...but it was never intentional. There are a lot more jerky men out there...and I have met my fair share of them.

Confused...

I am confused...I don't know what I want.  I will tell you what I don't want though.  I don't want to be jerked around by anyone.  If you like me, great!  If not, great!  I don't like this wishy-washy business.

If you are afraid of hurting my feelings--just hurt my feelings.  If you don't want to talk to me, don't.  If you don't like me-fine! Don't go back and forth acting like you like me and then pulling away.  JUST BE HONEST! Ya, honestly may hurt...but it hurts less than dishonesty. I feel jerked around by multiple people right now.  I feel jerked around at school, in my online dating life, in friendships...everything.  I just want honestly.

I am aware that I am not perfect.  I have some habits that can make others feel uncomfortable.  So does everyone else.  I deserve people being honest with me at the very least.

Overall, because I am confused because of lack of communication, I don't know which way to go.

Cross Dressing Yikes

Yes, today I got a message from a guy online who was literally a cross dresser.  Yes he confessed everything...and said he really likes that and wants to be with someone who loves him for who he is.  As much as I would love to be understanding...I know I could not be with someone like that.  I am sure he is nice and good in many ways...but the answer is no!!  I need to be the feminine one in the relationship, not one of the feminine ones.  I don't even wear heels that often...a man can't wear them more than I do. THE END

Grumpy Teacher

You know grumpy cat...well today I was grumpy teacher.  I swear all of the things that I tried to do to help my kids stay on task and work, were not working.  My after school conversation with my friend Tammy I think shed some light on some things I should do.  We were talking about relationships.  She is in a pretty serious one!  YEAH!  We were talking about processing things and how sometimes the ones we date don't process things the same way.  I tend to process things by talking it through with myself, write about it on my blog, or talk with others.  Its not even that I want it resolved super quickly, but I just want my thoughts out there.  Other people like herself tend to need time to resolve things and process things.  What we maybe both realized is that we need to be a little more compassionate and understanding of others as we process things differently and try to address their needs as well as our own.  Now back to grumpy teacher.  I need to make this a win-win for the class and myself.
My needs:
1. I need to teach them concepts and skills
2. I need to them to listen so they can learn said concepts and skills
3. I need them to work hard
4. Respect for me


Their needs:
1. They need to have engaging lessons (perhaps I have been a little too boring)
2. They need their reward they earned...we just didn't have time today kids. Sorry it is coming!
3. Respect from me and others
4. Love from their teacher


I do address some of these needs...just maybe I need to be a little more understanding of where they are coming from.  I need to place myself back into their shoes.